I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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