You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
