I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
