I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
