Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
