I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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