It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
