I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
one might say we're banned from that church
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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