You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
