I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
