Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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