Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
