and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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