Where is the hickey?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
