Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
someone owes me an orgasm
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
