i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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