the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
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you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
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It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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