I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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