I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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