I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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