Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
