i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
