He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
