I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
