I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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