I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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