Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
