You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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