The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
