I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
