I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
