How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
