so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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