he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
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I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
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Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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