Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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