Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
