But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
