I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
try to milk me bitch
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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