I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
