He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
