Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
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It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
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This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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