I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
