WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
