Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
