This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
there is glitter all over my balls
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