i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
