we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
