dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
