I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
