Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
