Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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