What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Someone signed my nipple.
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