dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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