how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
