so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
