There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
