I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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