she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
