I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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