singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize