I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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