This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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