i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
