No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
