oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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