smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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