I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
