trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
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i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
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I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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