Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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