So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
