No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
