Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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